You saw he has a new girlfriend.

Diagnosis

Fine. This is fine. You are typing “this is fine” into a search bar for some reason.

Treatment

Channel it, precisely, into a self-improvement arc that is not for him: it is for the algorithm, the group chat, and the version of you he might see in eleven months looking devastating and unbothered. Do not text anyone. Buy the resistance bands. Start the planner. Begin the skincare routine with a percentage in its name.

Make the plan so small you can do it while annoyed. Ten minutes with the bands counts. One line in the planner counts. A skincare product should be something you already know your skin tolerates, because your face does not need to join the plot. The jade roller can live in the freezer next to the ice cream spoon; the freezer is becoming a surprisingly well-managed department.

Nine days from now the fire will fade and you will have a jade roller and a slightly better hamstring, which is a better outcome than closure. Keep the bands where you can see them. Use the planner for an appointment or a grocery list. You do not need to become a new person to be done looking at his page. Mute the account if you need to. The algorithm can survive without your attendance, and so can the imaginary audience for this particular comeback.

Fill Your Prescription

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• resistance bands
• planner
• jade roller
• gentle serum

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Side Effects

The glow-up is real but temporary; the resistance bands are real and forever. Keep the bands.